Tonight i've realized something simple and a little saddening. the reality is it's something that i've known for sometime yet i refused to see it. The fact is i love that, that does not truly love me back; but did she ever claim to??? No; at least not unless she was put under duress by me that is. I was just kidding myself because of the way i feel; more over i doubt i'll stop kidding myself atleast a little......i sort of wish she had never felt like she had to follow my lead for me to be here for her; i'm always here for her no matter what. 

Lust and Love; the first i understand, can control, and enjoy to manipulate. Love on the other hand, is my bane, the pain to my existence; three uncontrollable times..... and two unrequited and one not requited in all the ways i want. Love sucks..... now don't get me  wrong, this isn't a complaint about the realization that her care for me was almost totally platonic. it's just a way of letting out that not only does love suck but it never works the way you plan......for once i'm glad i didn't act b4 i thought, not to say she's not worth it; but i'm not worth a "omission" 

but I've never felt more like......

.........~Mr.Hyde