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Hyde

Tonight i've realized something simple and a little saddening. the reality is it's something that i've known for sometime yet i refused to see it. The fact is i love that, that does not truly love me back; but did she ever claim to??? No; at least not unless she was put under duress by me that is. I was just kidding myself because of the way i feel; more over i doubt i'll stop kidding myself atleast a little......i sort of wish she had never felt like she had to follow my lead for me to be here for her; i'm always here for her no matter what. 

Lust and Love; the first i understand, can control, and enjoy to manipulate. Love on the other hand, is my bane, the pain to my existence; three uncontrollable times..... and two unrequited and one not requited in all the ways i want. Love sucks..... now don't get me  wrong, this isn't a complaint about the realization that her care for me was almost totally platonic. it's just a way of letting out that not only does love suck but it never works the way you plan......for once i'm glad i didn't act b4 i thought, not to say she's not worth it; but i'm not worth a "omission" 

but I've never felt more like......

.........~Mr.Hyde 

 

Hot n' Cold

You change your mind 
Like a girl changes clothes 
Yeah, you PMS like a bitch 
I would know 

Yeah, you always think 
Always speak cryptically 
I should know 
That you're no good for me 

'Cause you're hot then you're cold 
You're yes then you're no 
You're in and you're out 
You're up and you're down 
You're wrong when it's right 
It's black and it's white 
We fight, we break up 
We kiss, we make up 

You, you don't really wanna stay, no 
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh 

'Cause you're hot then you're cold 
You're yes then you're no 
You're in and you're out 
You're up and you're down 

We used to be just like twins, so in sync 
The same energy now's a dead battery 
Used to laugh 'bout nothing 
Now you're plain boring 
I should know 
That you're not gonna change 

'Cause you're hot then you're cold 
You're yes then you're no 
You're in and you're out 
You're up and you're down 
You're wrong when it's right 
It's black and it's white 
We fight, we break up 
We kiss, we make up 

You, you don't really wanna stay, no 
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh 

Someone call the doctor 
Got a case of a love bipolar 
Stuck on a rollercoaster 
Can't get off this ride 

You change your mind 
Like a girl changes clothes 

'Cause you're hot then you're cold 
You're yes then you're no 
You're in and you're out 
You're up and you're down 
You're wrong when it's right 
It's black and it's white 
We fight, we break up 
We kiss, we make up 

You, you don't really wanna stay, no 
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh 

'Cause you're hot then you're cold 
You're yes then you're no 
You're in and you're out 

You're up and you're down, down, down, down..You're up and you're down

this song is the definition of me and i love it

~Mr.Hyde

Cute really?????

i finally get it!! for so long i asked what was it that held me back from being "hot"??? and i now have my answer; im like a fucking puppy im "Cute." because i look so young i come off as cute and because of my "baby-fat" rick face not only makes me look young but more over makes me less appealing when it comes to the word "desire."

that said my friends ask me "why does it even matter??" to me it only matters because there is only two ways i can truly get what i want(to be physically passionate) 1) denial, i can just pretend i'm wanted not only for my charm but also for my physical passion 2) go rob a cradle so i look older to the high school student id be dating LOL.

or maybe i should just get over it and move on. i wish i could, and though i know i really cant when it comes to my internal dialog; i can put on a strong face and maybe if i do it long enuf i can convince myself that its true.

~Mr.Hyde 

Adonis and the Roc

"you may not be my Adonis but you're still my Roc" this phrase makes me laugh and i cant get it out of my head. yes, i know she meant "rock" but "Roc" just seems so much more appropriate. I dont mean to complain, don't get me wrong i understand it was meant in the nicest way possible and i really appreciate the attempt it was sweet. That said i really feel like the phrase applies a little deeper then it was intended. so in classic Hyde fashion lets over analyze shall we......

"Adonis"- though i could start spouting about the incestuous greek history of Adonis, but the important part his to know that he was the most "beautiful" man in the world so much the goddess of love and death fought over him based SOULY on his attractiveness.

"Roc"  a giant mythical bird most often use to protect treasures or guard secrets

Most likely see no similarity but to me it is obvious. i could charm Aphrodite her self into my arms and yet she would never find me attractive. i can get girls but i will never be any girls Adonis. any girl i attract i do it by charm my looks will forever be "SO SO."  Yet, i am and will forever be the Roc for anyone who needs me, protect there secrets and defend them at every turn.

~as always Mr.Hyde 

to know ones self

for the past few days ive been lost in what i can only describe as "ME." in this lost of sanity ive come to a few conclusions which i feel i need to write out just so i can look at it in a few months and laugh at my emo-ness. that said everything ive found will likely never come to play in my life because no matter how much i dont want to i cant help but care about others but im going to say it anyway.

1) Never risk your dignity even if you have none it hurts to loose it, to take a chance on something real is to take a risk on the unknown, just like roulette. no way in hell you're gonna win

2) Do the heartless thing because to have a heart is to have a target to aim for.

3) Be ready to disappoint even those you care about because if you are ready maybe you can hurt less

i say these things not for pitty in fact help and pitty is the last thing i need what i need is to start taking advantage of those around me and i fully intend to. is it wrong? YES do i care??? FUCK NO. All i have left is being truly bad and why not i just hurt people any way. and if my morals start to flair then atleast the pain of what i do will let me know im still alive. 

~say hello to Mr.Hyde starting NOW.....;D

I'm a Fake

Small, simple, safe price.
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.
And I am not afraid to die;
I'm not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight,
I want the pain of payment.
What's left, but a section of pygmy sized cuts.
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill and spill over and under my thoughts.
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.
I'm cutting trying to picture your black, broken heart.
Love is not like anything,
Especially a fucking knife!

 this is truely a testament to who i am a question of what i am what the world gets and what it sees. All those things i wish to be and wish you all to see. most who know me really dont and those that dont either wish they didnt or really dont.

Look at me.
You can tell,
By the way I move and do my hair,
Do you think that it's me?
Or it's not me?
I don't even care.
I'm alive, i don't smell
I'm the cleanest I have ever been.

 my defense is my confidence when in reality its just a shield and as i've learned the world does nothing but disappoint so then why try???? why fight for them???? why not be what they want??

I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry.
Dry.
Just look at me, look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake.
Just look at me, look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake.

sometimes the fake is all they deserve for if you give the real youll just be disappointed or bored in the end. so my final answer be their fake be what they want. its the only way youll get what you want open is weakness

Just look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake.
Just look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake.

Fake!
Fake!
Fake!
Genuine fake!!!

~HYDE( for real hahahahahahahahahahahahaha)